So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
