dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
