I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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