The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
