Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
