I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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