I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
