I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
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Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
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His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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