I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
