i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
