burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.