dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
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I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
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there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Floor bacon is actually really good
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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