Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
