I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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