we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
