Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
