i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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