I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i used baking grease as lip gloss
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
