Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
