i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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