Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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