I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
