His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
