obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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