I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
