the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
