PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
