Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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