And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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