so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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