my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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