its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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