omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
