last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
