I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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