I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
