Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
