My liver just broke up with me...
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
