I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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