and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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