By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
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