dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
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