If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
