HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
