bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
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