I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
