Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm too high and old for this...
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
