My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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