Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
