i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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