Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
