Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
