My friends, they love my intelligence
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize