She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
