Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
