My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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