I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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