Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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