Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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