Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
