So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
