I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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