I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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