you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
