How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
