WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
