Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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