$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize