just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Dignity is for republicans.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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