I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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