What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
