I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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