Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
