It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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