does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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