i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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