Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
