As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
