Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
