we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I deserve this hangover.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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