I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He shit in the fireplace
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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