I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
