The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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